I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My boob is missing a layer of skin
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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