i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
