No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
