I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
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