I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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