I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
