Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
