She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize