That's intense
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
