How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
