all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
