Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
