I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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