"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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