I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
