I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
