You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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