I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
