Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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