Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
