i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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