kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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