Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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