in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
