That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
