forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
