i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
