Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
