Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
