Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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