bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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