Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Randomize
