Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
