If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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