Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
