i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My orgasm happened in two different decades
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
