if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
