her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
