my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
there is puke in my bra ... again
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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