Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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