How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
