they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
