If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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