Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
