What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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