Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
