I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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