i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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