So drunk its hurt
She said her name was "party"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
