How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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