she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
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