is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
