The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
