I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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