Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
