Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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