nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize