So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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