it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
