last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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