Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
