You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
