Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
