i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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