Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
