I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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