i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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